She said it was like something had entered the room and filled up every inch of space, crushing the trust, loyalty and seemingly solid relationship they had created over a couple of years.

“At the time, the deceit and everything that came with it was heartbreaking,” Hannah said.

“He had been lying to me and hiding it for so long – I was crushed.

“Luke was my best friend, and we had an amazing relationship, but this changed everything. We hit rock bottom, and I had to make some serious decisions. And the worst part is that the decisions didn't just affect me; they affected our kids too, as they had created a close bond.

“I was at a loss as to what to do or where to start.”

While battling her heartache and feelings of deceit, Hannah decided their relationship was worth saving, but she knew she had to step back and let Luke decide the next step.

Thankfully, Luke was determined to turn things around – he sought counselling and contacted GambleAware Hunter New England, a program run by CatholicCare Social Services Hunter-Manning.

After he reached out for help, Hannah learned that they could support her too.

“The first conversations were such a relief. Everything started to make so much sense.” she said.

“I got an insight into a gambler's brain, which was so powerful. It enabled me to keep my boundaries, still be there for Luke, and support his journey.

“I now realise that it was a big problem within our relationship, but I didn't understand the bigger picture at the time.

“It was difficult to grasp that it is an illness and that it's so much more than people who don't gamble will ever be able to comprehend.”

The sessions gave her the tools to help Luke and work on herself during this incredibly difficult time.

“Our relationship was at a breaking point and was touch and go for a long time, the journey was not easy,” she said.  

“You have to be able to call them out on their defensive behaviour while still acknowledging your own feelings.

“Luke often felt that it was just his problem, and it so isn’t. For my part, I had to take it one step at a time, and with each session, things progressed in the right direction.

“I had to acknowledge the sense of loss and grief I was feeling and how it was impacting my mental health.

“I cannot thank Steve, my counsellor, enough for how he helped me. His support and guidance were invaluable.

“He helped me reframe my thinking so I could continue to move forward. After a lot of hard work and regular counselling sessions, the fog began to clear.

“Steve helped me realise that the process is just that, a process. Ceasing gambling is not a quick fix; it’s a long-term commitment.

“When he said that, the penny dropped for me.”

Fast-forward to now, Hannah and Luke’s relationship is stronger than ever.

“Our relationship was worth saving, and I am so glad we put the hard work in,” she said.

“It was a difficult and gut-wrenching time. The impact of the gambling was profound, but we continue to work on the issues that appear and our relationship. We both know it’s worth it.”

Hannah encourages people to ask for support if they need it.

“If any gambler is reading this article… Please get the help you need because your life and your family are worth it,” she said.

“GambleAware is a safe space for gamblers and families of gamblers, and they can support you in turning things around.

“In our culture, admitting to a problem is rarely shared, and seeking help is even less so. Don't underestimate the power of reaching out — it can make a world of difference.”

GambleAware Hunter New England Team Leader and Counsellor Stephen Dooker echoed Hannah’s sentiments.

“We do not ‘change’ people; we help to facilitate a readjustment and empower people to take the steps they need to move forward and out of potentially uncomfortable situations,” he said.

“We are not advocates of anti-gambling, as it is a rather entrenched activity in Australia; however, when people recognise that it is becoming harmful, then we can be there to assist people to move forward and take the steps needed to work through the challenges.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling, GambleAware Hunter New England is a free, confidential service you can turn to for support.

Call the team on 1800 497 065 or email gambleaware@catholiccare.org.au to get help.

Below is some advice to learn more about safer gambling.

Ten Tips for Safer Gambling

1. If gambling is one of your chosen recreational activities, spend no more than 2% of your gross weekly income on this activity.
2. Look for other things to do so that you do not gamble more than once per week.
3. The cost of gambling is not just money, it is your emotional, mental, and physical health. Ask yourself, is gambling really worth what it really costs?
4. Ask yourself: Can I financially afford to gamble?  Am I happy to lose this money? What else could I be doing with it?
5. People never tell others how much they have lost; people only tell others about how much they have won.
6. The longer you stay in front of the poker machine, the more money you will lose.
7. If you spend an hour playing a poker machine and have not won any money, it could be said you are not the only one, honestly, look around you, how many wins have you observed. Never believe the myth that you are onto a 'good thing'.
8. Tickling, kissing, petting a poker machine will do nothing for the outcome of the next bet. It is a machine!
9. The Monte Carlo fallacy occurs when an individual believes that a certain random event is less likely or more likely to happen based on the outcome of a previous event or series of events.
10. Gambling should only be viewed as entertainment, not a way to make money.

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